Blog, its been awhile. How ive missed you. Blink 182 is the only thing that can tend to my mood, the only thing i want to hear. I feel a real need to express something bu i dont know what it is or how to express it. I just want to be saved from everything. Im really fine. Im just not happy.
I can survive. My body is never too damaged.. but my soul is permanently changed. The thoughts in my head are ridiculous. Life is moving at too fast a pace. I hate it.
I wonder what people think when theyre not being fake. Like at school. At home. What they really think of me. I really doubt that people are as simple as they show. I wonder.
Whats really on my mind, is about these memories i keep making here. Im not sure if they are all that important. I try to keep a little piece of everything, ive bought hoodies all throughout wrestling season so i could have a memory of it. But are they that important to me? Do they only matter to me right now? Things seem to lose value so quickly. Is it good to keep the memories that ive made? Do i want to remember all of this, this part of my life. So much good and bad has happened to me. Im not sure how i value this place, if i love it or hate it. So much has happened. Everything has changed. I dont know how much i will value all my friends, my home, the school, all the people and things here a month from now, a year, 2 years.. but as of right now i want to cherish all that is happening here, i want these memories to last. But i hope i will always want to remember these things. These arent even my glory days, my prime and yet i still do everything i can to hold on to each memory. I have a journal ive documented most days of my senior year. But i have no idea how i will feel about senior year when it is over. That scares me the most. How right now, as of now, these people are so important to me.. and in a few month, they may not matter to me at all. It scares me, it makes me sad, makes me wonder. Why do i think so much, why do i value these things? Why do i grow attached?
Nothing is as important as whatever it is you are focused on in the now.
