dear blog,
so. good bye to my graduation year. was super fucking fun and epic. but that is not why i am here.
friends. i fucking hate all of mine. i dont know what i do to deserve treatment such as this but it is perpetual and i am damn near used to it. though it does provoke me. i try to always involve people, i try to be a good friend, i really do. im actually good to people, suprisingly. but alas that is not the case. i am out of the loop. or uninvited. or blatantly told i cant join. i guess.. some people cant hang out with more than 3 people at a time. which does not make sense to me. i dont know how i slip thought peoples minds so often, i guess i am unremarkable. though i feel as though i should be remembered. and invited. but whatever fuck everyone. i dont know why you feel the need to only hang out with a certain group. especially when i am also friends with everyone in the group. i dont get it. i dont get any fucking person. i always invite people. i smoke people out. i invite people to drink at my house, i let people sleep in my home. where the fuck is my break. when does this get any better. why do i waste my time. i dont see why its like that. i dont know why my texts are harder to answer or your phone always looses signal. fuck everyone. i dont know why i am ignored. fuck. i wish i knew what i was doing wrong. instead of feeling like this. all the time. i need better friends. someone reliable. someone that actually needs me.. thatll never happen. good thing i only trust myself. everyone just lets me down. lone wolf.
all i really have are cigarettes and my skateboard. my friends are all fake. but i know im gonna go back to them. ugh. i hate myself. i should really jump off a bridge or something. suicide is always on my mind. sadly.
sincerly, nicholas
