I HAVE SHITTY FRIENDS

I am not posting this because of a recent event, it has just been put in the back of my head for awhile. I am not the greatest person, I am not a great example. But I do know that I am in need of a change. I choose to surround myself with people that I do not deserve. I deserve better treatment. I am not the best friend everyone looks for but I know what type of treatment I should receive. I give up on most of you. I'm tired of being countlessly dissapointed, I honestly think I tried my hardest to ignore getting ignored. If you needed me, though you hardly even thought of me, Id be there. I would be there. And I wouldnt get it back in return. It would be inconsistent. On your own terms. This greatly affects me, because this is how I am starting to treat people. This here changed my personality, I honestly think Benicia made me a terrible person. If I had a penny for all the dissapointments from all the people I've met from freshman year I'd be rich. So tired of it. Sorry just doesn't cut it. Sometimes I wish I never moved here because never in my life have I had to deal with "good" friends being fake or a backstabber or a spineless follower. I hate having to be a certain way. I thought people were raised to stand up for themselves. And before I moved here.. I never made fun of a person just to do it. I never challenged or put down people just because. I have never been around people so shady to people they try to hang out with. I have never seen so many people trying to conform with their peers. Its so annoying to one day hear you hate a person to the next day being so cool with them. I guess its okay to you since you were raised in environments like this but its not fine. I'm not perfect but I was never like this. Benicia has made me indecent. I don't want this anymore, I don't regret moving here, I have met some amazing people I will never forget. Some of you guys have changed me, shocked me with a positive vibe that infected me and I thank you for that. A few of you I will never forget, a few, I cannot stress how important you are to the developement of my teenage years. The impact you have made is priceless. I will always be there for ya. Sadly, that is but a few. More than half of you, probably most of you wouldn't return the favor or any favor. That is all. I'm trying not to care. Not once do I doubt that you will never have my back. But to those that I still have hope in, thank you. Done.