I wanna get on that long blog hype
Lately, life has been decent. No, I'm not perfectly happy, but nothing too bad has been happening, drama here and there. My mind has a tendency to wander... But the thing is, things are changing. For the last 3 years I've been spending as much time as I can with my middle school friends, trying to be with them for as long as possible. Recently though, it just seems like that hasn't been happening. Every weekend, I put a bit of effort into bringing everyone together at my house, to see if we can have a sleepover.. you know, everyone driving too, I thought it'd be easy for people to just visit me and shit. I've been visited once by Bethel peeps. I admit, I've changed a bunch now that I've moved here, but if I never moved or moved back... I would be a completely different person. I like it here, not saying its better than anywhere else, I can't change the past and I can't change how I've become. I can feel I'm different, that I'm not one of them anymore. I miss being involved, being invited to everything... and I mean, its nice and all here in Benicia, but I just miss those other fools. I feel as if the drifting apart is inevitable, that I am no longer in the loop. Just another Benicia kid, a friend still, but just a friend from another city who isn't a part of the inside jokes and memories. I feel as though I cannot accept this change that is coming on, I just can't believe that this is happening. I'm not willing to accept that my friendship with these people won't ever be the same. I miss that. I miss always having sleepover and being together. Doing dumb shit. All that. Something happened. I don't know, I just want to make the most of it while we're still kind of close. Or maybe not close at all. Because its this year, supposedly the year you're going to lose all your friends. I don't want that, but maybe I can't stop it. I just want to make the most of it. I want to make memories that last, things that I won't forget after high school. Right now we think, oh so busy, homework, blah blah. Yeah, we're busy, almost no time for anything or anyone. Which is why I think we should make the most of it. I only live one city away, pretty damn close if you ask me.. and I already know the drifting away has started. Its different than moving far away, like Miggy because we all know we would hang out with him if we could if he lived closer. But me, its different because I live close but there still isn't anyone hanging out with me, and its less than 10 minutes away! I'm scared of losing everybody. You might say "They won't forget about you just because you don't hang out as often" Yeah, you say that, but theres a chance. Not straight away, but over time. I feel like this isn't gonna last, this okay with everyone status I have just recently attained. I want something fun again, something to remind me of how it was like.. what is was like to be with friends with no worries, nothing in the way. Senior year and college.. you never know, it may or may not keep you from falling out of touch.. but you can never be sure. I don't want to lose anybody. I have a horrible feeling that I won't see certain people again, until there comes a time when we both put the effort to see each other. It only works if both sides want it. People drift apart. People make friends, other friends I don't know who are probably more exciting than me. Others will lose touch, work and school and girls getting in the way, having less and less in common with me.. It sounds silly, because I know every now and then I'd see someone but it wouldn't be the same. Not the same buddy buddy shit. I want to make some good times together, while I can, enjoy precious memories with my friends because even I know that is an important thing. Maybe the touch isn't even losing yet, maybe its just me imagining the bad things that may happen.. maybe I just want to prevent the inevitable and keep friendships from fading. How I do that.. I don't know, I'm doing my best. I just feel like there isn't time for anything anymore, I just have to figure how to get all I can out of right now as possible, because you never know what you've got til its gone. It sucks, because I know this is happening, my relationships with certain people flickering out of existence... It just sucks, I wanna make the best of this and find some happy in all this sad.. and I can't let anything go.. I just can't believe it. Hopefully I'm just being dumb, hopefully I'm the only one thinking this.. I hope it isn't true that people stray. People grow up and change. Others do more than mature an change a ton. Some people don't change. I just don't know how I could replace irreplaceble people.. friendships should flow naturally... I like to imagine some that some bonds never break... Maybe I should just relax about this...
I got lost in my words
*Awhile later*
On the other hand, I've had some great times with my Benicia friends, I've continued to bond with them more and more each day. Sure we have some drama but its really nothing, the core of the group hasn't changed. Actually, we've lightweight not been hanging out thanks to the split but thats all fixed now, I hope we all start kickin it together soon.. Thanks for all the great times going off campus and the funny ass aim chatrooms, you know who you are, you guys have really cheered me up on sad nights. Thanks for being great friends even though I was just born this year! Thanks to everyone out there thats been for me even for a short while! Thanks everyone for shaping me how I am today, thanks for every seemingly insignificant person that has impacted my life in any sort of way, I don't regret(too much) how I've turned out :D
Without my friends, I would be nothing! You make my fears, doubts and worries go away.
