Falynn (Rhombohedral Gretchen Ross Remix) - MC Chris
Falynn (Say I Aint Falynn Remix) - MC Chris
Well this week so far has been aight, I think I flirt way to much, I've gotten the comment that I'm a ho waay too much, from a multitude of people. I'm not sure that its true, maybe I'm just not admitting it but it may be just because I'm so desperate to find "love" or something, I don't even know. I seem to like people way to easily or trust them right away and I think I've lost that quiet/shy/innocent part of me that some people knew and loved. I think I have too many self doubts and regret nearly all my decisions and I know that I'm way too self conscience to really be acting how I act.. loud and obnoxious and shit, I'm pretty sure I put on a fake smile everyday and have this really convincing facade. No one I know would admit this.. not that I know anyway but I have to confess I am hella fake. If I was "real" or whatever, I'd be so cynical and act like a total asshole to everybody cause ya know, life isn't really that great and you don't know how your future is gonna turn out and you never know if your gonna get into a great school and you wish that lifes gonna turn out like a fraction of what you'd imagine as a youth. Hmm, youth.. I wish act however I want whenever I want without any repercussions. Its really fun to act young, have fun and be immature. I think its alot funner than being a mature person. I hate when people say they hate immature people because immature is usually defined by that persons standards and not the immature persons. I don't wanna grow up fast but I want to get a job and be treated fairly by my parents. I wanna be a kid for awhile longer but watch, I'll turn 16 in the blink of an eye, time has been moving so fast lately, you dont even know. So one of my friends is moving away, and shes my favorite white girl ever. I met her like last year and we've had some great moments together, its gonna be hella sad when she leaves. I think she was the first white girl I've ever liked and I'm still kinda crushing on her and we shared a kiss before so.. :/ I don't know what to do, get her flowers or take her to dinner or something. I wanna meet someone that has seen the world and decided its a good place, and is a wise happy, like he/she has been there and done that and thought that earth is a good place to live. I think about all the books in the world and how insignificant I feel next to those billions of people who have been published and such. I was really sad when my dog died, and its my grandma and grandpa 50th anniversary this sunday, and my grandpa has alzheimers and its really sad to see, I was just thinking about what itll be like when hes gone.. I don't think you could get over a death, you don't learn to live with it like a bad grade or a breakup .. its like a hole that was ripped into your stomach and its healed up and then some reminder comes by, you hear a voice or a laugh or the wind blows the wrong way and the wound is torn wide open again... I think this is enough to read, I've just been pondering way to much these past night, staying up for a few extra hours can't getting in any sleep. I hate thinking about my past or future...